PERSONALISING

Some people take blame for things that are not necessarily their fault even though they are not under their control. Say your colleague passes you in the street and barely acknowledges you apart from a wry smile. Instinctive reaction would be to take it personally. You might think “Have I done something wrong? She's normally very chatty.” You suddenly feel uneasy and try to figure out what you might have done, when your colleague actually was thinking “I need to get to the loo”.

Some people are insecure about reality and tend to 'see' these insecurities in the actions or/and words of others, and take things personally. We are social animals, we want to be acknowledged, valued and loved by others, and we are very quick to feel uneasy, hurt, guilty and sad when it's not confirmed, when we feel rejected and ignored.

What are the dangers?

Taking things perosnally can lead to large misunderstandings, and it can fracture relationships. One can start living in fear of rejection and be uncomfortable with himself, develop low self-esteem, avoid socialising, therefore blaming himself even more.

What to do?

• Remember that not everything that happens is because of you. If someone's not very chatty with you on a certain occasion as they normally are – think that there can be something related to them (i.e. worried about something, having a bad day, headache... the list is endless).

• Don't be afraid to communicate and ask for clarity. You'd be surprised by answers.

 

We need to look inside ourselves, question ourselves, and try to stop that inner critic. Although some reactions are instinctive, we can still gain control of it by opening our minds. We need to find our wounds and heal them, speak our truths kindly and calmly without a fear. Whatever happens, it's not always about us!