BLAME

Blaming is the total opposite of personalising in that it's the fault of other people, circumstances, the world that something has happened or whatever problem has occurred.

People who blame other people, circumstances or the world for their misfortune, or whatever happens to them, do that because they avoid taking any personal responsibility. For instance, when the conversation with a friend or family member turns to a row, some people are quick to blame others for 'misunderstanding', 'lack of listening', 'being selfish', 'flaring up', 'bringing up the subject'... etc. By doing that they try to unload any responsibility, although they might not always be aware of that, and fail to understand their contribution to the problem.

Often blaming is also a defensive manoeuvre for people who are unable to accept and tolerate the possibility that they might be at fault in some way. It's natural for us to feel that we're right and others aren't, we tend to be blind to our own flaws. Although, when we are aware of our flaws, we don't want them to be discovered by others, so we start to cover them up and live in fear to appear less than perfect. The thing is that no one is perfect.

Isn't just easier to accept the fact that you are just a vulnerable human being, weather you're a man or a woman. Blame is destructive, it makes people bitter and angry. Children often blame their siblings or other kids, because they haven’t yet learned how to be responsible for their actions, and they're afraid that they'll be loved less if the truth comes out. Are you still a child?


How to stop blaming others and why?

• Ask yourself - "If everything is someone else's fault, then what part do I play in my own life?"

• Look for evidence for or against your blaming statement. Yes, sometimes others are at fault and they need to know it and take responsibility. But being able to accept responsibility when it's right means we actually become less helpless and passive.

• Remember you can only grow by perceiving true feedback about youself. Seeing objectively where you went wrong is how you improve and develop.

• Accept that there is absolutely no shame in being able to admit to yourself or others that you made mistakes. Quite the opposite - it shows real strength of character. 

• Apologise if you know you're in fault, admit that you too are human and make mistakes. People will respect you for it.

Blame affects relationships, it causes hurt, mistrust and break friendships. If people feel you blame them unfairly, they will resent you. They may even come to hate you. Instead of wasting your energy on blame seek the way to get over the problem.